Being somewhat frugal is beginning to pay off. Not that I've been nearly as frugal as I had first intended, mind you! Nonetheless, now that it is 91 degrees and feeling like about 100 outside, I feel ok lowering my A/C to 76. I've been really good and have kept it at 78 most of the time, and above 80 if we're out of the house for the day. I even think I may be getting accustomed to the warmer air indoors, as I'm not nearly as crabby as I have been in past summers.
Not nearly as crabby, but definitely aggravated and anxious. It seems like every few months or so I find myself re-evaluating my thoughts, ideas and philosophies about parenting. Doesn't everyone? As the children grow, I think it's almost par for the course that changes in how they are parented become necessary, from age to age and from child to child, even from phase to phase in each child's own development. Don't worry, this won't turn into a book, (well it may get as long as one, but it certainly won't be a how-to!) I am certainly no expert!! In the past year or so, I have grown more and more confident in making my own choices (with my husband) for how we would like to raise our children. Before that, I remained quite impressionable and I almost fully relied upon various friends, extended family, and supporting core groups of friends to guide me along in parenting choices. This system worked well for the earlier years, when I needed tons of support with new babies, breastfeeding, diapering, and basically learning which niche our family falls into with the whole gammit of parenting styles out there! I really feel as though my support groups of friends have been true support and almost like they are my family. There are so many times I just couldn't figure out how to handle things and there they would be, guiding and offering advice, backing up my instincts and helping to steer me in the direction that would be best for my children. I couldn't have become as confident about parenting without these people. I think now though, because I have put these groups of friends and their ideas, ideals, and philosophies onto an extremely disproportionately high Pedestal of Great Parenting, that I just can't seem to reach, and that I have even decided I'm pretty sure I don't even want to reach, I have become full of tensions and worries! I am frightened of losing some of those friends because I no longer subscribe to their philosphies and am building up my own, and I almost feel guilty! I am guilty of not climbing up the Pedestal of Great Parenting with them, I am guilty of no longer keeping them on that pedestal (Not that a single one of them ever wanted that position to begin with!!!) I am even feeling guilty for accidentally having put them on the pedestal, and then becoming upset when I decided the Pedestal shouldn't even exist and they fell off of it and straight onto my head! (nice picture, huh? hehe!) I have felt lately as if I am holding my breath and waiting to be told it's ok to be different! Some of the "standards" (for lack of a better word here) that were surrounding me, that I was either striving to reach or letting rest on the back burner for some day, I just have had to let go of entirely. You have to know your own limits, boundaries and capabilities, right? You have to know and do what is best for your own family and your own sanity. You have to know what's in your own heart and follow your own instincts. At the same time, in doing so, I feel I am creating a rift of some sort between myself and those that have been my saving grace, my only sanity, my mentors and guides in this journey of parenting up to this point. I am afraid of not being accepted anymore. Maybe the rift is only in my head, but I am terrified that because I am now parenting differently or handling and guiding my children in different ways than I have before, that I may lose what have become my closest friends and sisters. Goodness don't go nutty and start to think I am beating my children or running a military type structure around here, far from it! But I am doing things my own way, which may be different from yours or from what I have done in the past.
Well that certainly wasn't my usual attempt at a comedic blog entry, huh? I hope you enjoyed and that you love me anyway! If not, as I've said before, this writing thing is for me not you! I'm only sharing it cause I'm a nice person. ;)
Namaste`, Love and Peace to you,