Friday, February 6, 2009

That Place

was all full of Jesus. I mean it's great and all that they accept people of all faiths and paths, but to have the main subject be what Jesus might have eaten, that is about Jesus. And then they say the Lord's prayers at the end. It was a very accepting place, it did have a good energy, but putting all my hope in that one basket was a mistake.

And now I'm back on Lexapro.

Church is always the last thing I reach out for, in final hope that I will be given whatever it is that I need to fix my broken brain. My brain doesn't work right. I finally know that. I tried all things natural for 5 months and here I am. I have been mean to my friends and family, living with anger and upset for at least 3 of the last 5 months. My brain just doesn't work right. It is like a diabetic person trying to live w/out insulin, when that is just silly. If it's broke, do what it takes to fix it. I sure am sad to say good bye again to my taste buds, and I still don't know the long term possible side effects of this drug. But I know I am better off on it and healthy, then off it and completely nuts.


Jenny said...

Tracee, I am sorry you weren't able to stay on the natural path you really wanted. I've struggled with this, too, as you know. You are very important to your family and your friends, and I know they all want you to be healthy (in body and in mind). Take care, and know that I am here if you need to talk!

Hannah said...

I'm glad you've come to at least something of a peace about the medication. I totally know what it's like to struggle with a feeling of "I shouldn't have to take this," and guilt for not doing things 100% "the natural way." I think the diabetes analogy is an apt one. And, you've learned a lot from this experience.

He loves you.

Janine said...

I believe Jesus is the Great Physician but that being said...sometimes medication is His answer. I am glad you are feeling better...maybe no taste buds will be a blessing in some way. Maybe you could win a hot pepper eating contest or something. :-) Do your part by thinking positive thoughts.

Jennifer said...

I just wanted to say I love you for who and what you are and I am proud of you... for the strength it takes to go through the struggles and proud of you for your hard work, determination, and your achievements. I DO think you work SO very hard at this game of life and you deserve to be happy and content whatever way you get there.

miss you lots.
xoxoxo Jennifer