Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A Quiet Moment

It's been a long couple of days. Right now my two older children are with friends at a pool party and my youngest is satisfied watching Dora. *actually that was written a couple days ago. it's now 2:36 in the morning on an entirely different day!* I don't know who reads this blog of mine and who doesn't, so I don't know what you know about my life and what you don't. I'm going to share some things here that I haven't written about yet. I have been in talk-therapy for quite a bit of my life. My Mom insisted I begin at 9 years old due to her and my Dad separating. Pay attention: This is not being written in order to induce pity from you to me. I am not pitiful, in fact I am powerful because of all that I have been through! I'm 34 now, and I have most recently found the best therapist that I have ever worked with. I had one that is pretty close to the best, when I lived in Spartanburg, but this one, whether it's her, me, or just time for things to click, is just getting the job done. Some people have mentioned to me that they just don't get talk-therapy, or that they just don't believe it does any good. I once felt that way too. And now I believe it is the therapist and how they work with you and how you work together. It also has a LOT to do with how honest you are. Through the years, I have dragged my husband, among other willing (i.e., crazy!) men that came before him, into therapy with me, always thinking that something would finally click and that THEY would finally get how much THEY needed to change in order to get along with poor, pitiful, there's-nothing-wrong-with-me, ME. He-he. :) I really didn't realize it was me until just last year! Now, this isn't to say that none of my past boyfriends or even my husband didn't contribute to the nuttiness of our relationships, it's just that I now realize I am a contributing factor too!!! As Carlos Mencia would say, "DEE-Dee-Dee!” And don't get me wrong, I always knew I was part of the problem, but I always thought I was busily working on being part of the solution too. Nope. Just makin' it worse. In the past four years and 3 months, I have been in therapy more often than not, and specifically with the two best therapists I've ever had. I've also benefited tremendously by having friends that are much more spiritual people than I have ever been around before! I have gained so many insights into how I think and why, and how to change it, or work with it, and I am ready to share some of this. This is not because I think I am "all that" or anything, but because every single person I have shared it with so far, one on one, has benefited in one way or another from hearing about my experiences and how I have grown, and through my enlightenment, they too have become wiser, and more willing participants in their own paths to find the real solutions to our daily, earthly problems. How's that for a cliff hanger intro to what's to come? He-he. I have to get some sleep or my children will not have the benefit of a wise and enlightened mother tomorrow, but instead what we call the "mean monster mommy!" Gggggrrrr! Hehehe! G'night and I will write more soon!


Jenny said...

Hey, now, you can't just leave us hanging like that! ;)

Beth said...

Hey Tracee..I'm looking forward to hearing more! You sound like you're really doing great! I'm so happy for you :)

Amy said...

Well, "I" think you have come a long way...or wait, maybe "I" have come a long way! Either way, I'm glad "WE" have and that you are my friend. You have been the most supportive online friend I have this last 2 years and I am so incredibly thankful for you and for our friendship!
Looking forward to hearing more!