Wednesday, October 17, 2007

More About My Workshop Weekend

I told you all about the therapy done in the workshop, but I left out everything I did in my free time. I grew up in Augusta, where the workshop was held. I attended two elementary schools there, one middle school and one high school. I went on to other towns and ended up attending 3 more high schools. Finally, I went to college. I am, in general, an extremely sentimental person. Everything and every place means something to me. So, while in my *hometown*, I took quite a trip down memory lane. It was more like a pilgrimage, as in each place, each visit with my past, I felt as though I was reuniting with a piece of myself that had been lost for such a long time! The whole weekend, every occurrence, seems simply meant to be. I left the convent early on Saturday, skipping dinner with the group because it was just too much energy to stay. I needed a breather. I called my Mom, expecting to meet up with her, but didn't get an answer. Being nostalgic, and having some free time, I set off on my adventure! First, I checked out the high school I attended for Ninth and a portion of Tenth grade. As an adult, I have had a number of dreams about being lost in high schools and not being able to get to classes on time, or ending up in the wrong wing of the school at the wrong time for the wrong class. As far as I was concerned, they were just crazy dreams. Well, upon driving up to my old high school, I was just astonished at how huge the campus is! And I distinctly remember having classes in two different buildings, besides the portables! I was shuffling back and forth every class, it's no nightmare that I got lost, I REALLY was lost! Memories came flooding through and I really enjoyed seeing the football field again. I had forgotten how important those high school football games had been to me and a few very close friends. How neat to recapture that, if only for a moment! Of course it was a Saturday, so all the doors were locked, and I couldn't even get onto the football field. Still, it was so good for my brain to feel validated by being able to recapture things long lost! Next, off to my Third-Fifth grade elementary school. The playground was my main focus here, as it was when I was a child. :) I LOVED to swing! It was kind of sad that the whole playground was pretty dilapidated and depressing looking. I can't imagine they would actually let kids play out there these days. An old metal slide was lying on it's side, over towards the wooded area behind the kickball field. The old, tall, metal swing sets were all broken, with no replacements. A couple of deflating kick balls were just left out. From peeking in the windows of the school building, it seemed fully operational and in session. Anyways, I had not thought of it in years, but suddenly I was faced with an old Shadow-maker. The pull-up bars. As an elementary school-er, I could never summon enough courage to do a forward flip over them. Backward flips, no problem, any day, even as an adult I have done them. As opposed to my much skinnier, and prettier, and boy-oogled friend De-De. That girl could forward flip in multiples, holding one knee up to her chin and just flying forward again and again! Well, if you've seen me lately, and you have any idea of the kind of bars I'm speaking of, you won't believe what I'm gonna tell you. I decided to do a little shadow-play. Play as opposed to work, cause our workshop therapist insisted that we learn to play with our Shadows. I explained to my Shadow, (the one that insisted I couldn't do a forward flip at 10, and so who did I think I was about to attempt one at 34 and about 100lbs or more heavier???) that I was indeed going to attempt that forward flip, even if it didn't work out. I had to try. And try I did. And for a moment I believed that was it. I had played with my Shadow, faced it, and was done. No way you can miniaturize yourself back to the fifth grade and be truly able to do this. OK, I'll check out the rest of the memories here. I patted myself on the back for this really cool attempt at therapatizing myself and moved on. Suddenly, out of nowhere, across the asphalt basketball court, there was yet another set of 3 pull up bars, this set considerably lower to the ground than the one I'd just finished with. Maybe I could do it after all!!! I gently put my cell phone, car keys and bottle of water back onto the asphalt. I took a deep breath, remembered that I am supposed to LOVE my Shadow, not attempt to do battle with it, and decided yet again that if things didn't work out, it would be OK. There was not another Soul around and as long as I had at least attempted this dare devil feat, I would be proud, and would have truly "befriended" that old Shadow. Guess what? ;) This big ole 34 year old, stubborn, healing, in Love with the World, nut, did a forward flip over those pull up bars!!!! Woo-Hoo!! You know how excited you get when your kid or someone you really love has finally accomplished something they've been working at a long time? Yeah, that's me. That's how I felt! It was so awesome. I am getting proud all over again just remembering that moment as I flipped right over and off the bar, landing upright on two feet. So, it probably wasn't the safest thing in the world, out there all alone on an abandoned playground on a Saturday afternoon, but I DID IT! It was just one of those things that was meant to happen. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you and I hope it may inspire you to play with whatever Shadows you have, possibly re-shaping your past and being able to see your future in a whole new ILLUMINATED way! More memories of that weekend to come....

3 comments:

Hannah said...

GOOD FOR YOU, Tracee!!!

Jenny said...

Awesome, Tracee! I've never done any kind of flip over anything...ever! I'm totally impressed here!

jendanellenarianna said...

Hey Tracee, thanks for sharing. I really appreciate your honesty. I'll be heading down to Baton Rouge (my home town) in a few weeks where I'll be flooded with memories as well.:) Love your blog. Keep up the good work! Jen