Saturday, July 14, 2007

Fat Don't Fit & More

Remember my older post about being Fat and Happy? Well, it still stands. I am fat, I am happy. But, I'm no longer happy about being fat. That didn't take long, huh? Hehe. Fat doesn't fit anymore. I'm feeling unhealthy (could it be from the cold I still haven't gotten over??), pants from just last season aren't fitting anymore, and I know I would just feel better if the numbers on the tags in my clothes just went down. A couple of things have happened to get me feeling this way. One, really, the pants from last season were tight on me when I put them on to go on a date with my husband last night. And so was the shirt. They actually did fit, but I wouldn't have wanted to even look in the mirror for how tight the shirt was! And I know things shrink, but not that much! So I realized I am not staying at a steady weight, I am actually still gaining! I don't keep a scale around. My first midwife talked me into getting rid of the scales when I was pregnant with my second child. Probably a great idea for being pregnant, but I won't ever be that again! The other thing that happened is probably going to let you into my head a little too much, let you see exactly how rude and judgemental I am capable of being, but that's ok. I am me and you can take me or leave me. So here goes. When we were leaving Carowinds a few weeks ago, we were behind two fat girls (i can call them that, as i am too!). They were walking like ducks, but obviously not on purpose. You know, feet going out at an angle, kind of like the pregnant waddle. So, I mention to my husband that if I ever walk like that, please put me out of my misery. He very politely didn't say anything. About those girls in front of us or me. So I thought maybe he just thought I was being too rude. The other day, I caught my reflection in the full length glass back door. I was waddling like a duck into the kitchen, probably for another helping of some sort of evening snack. I was the only one awake in the house and I still felt my face redden in embarrassment. I remember mentioning to some friends that when I'm out and about, walking around, I don't think of myself as a fat person. I am just confident of who I am and my weight doesn't matter. Obviously, I have not had the opportunity that the glass door provided me with the other night before! ACCCKKK! I have become my own bad dream! So I am waking up now, and I have a plan. I joined a free health website community, and I am starting with my new life style changes TODAY. I actually started with sparkpeople in May of 2006 and I really have no clue I didn't continue it. Wish me luck, know that I am ok as long as I have a plan, no cyber-hugs are necessary, it is what it is and it's time to fix it. :)


Amy said...

I'm feeling the same way lately. I've been thinking "well, if I stay fat, nobody will be interested in me" and that's my way of not dealing with being single! LOL! I've been thinking about doing something too...maybe we should buddy up??!!


Beth said...

yep, i hear ya girl....Tuesday my mom and I are going to join Weight Watchers...I am sick of being fat!

erin said...

I'm right there with you Tracee! We just got back from Florida a few weeks ago and the pictures of me were very eye opening(yuck!). I will have to check out the website you are using.