Fat Don't Fit & More

Remember my older post about being Fat and Happy? Well, it still stands. I am fat, I am happy. But, I'm no longer happy about being fat. That didn't take long, huh? Hehe. Fat doesn't fit anymore. I'm feeling unhealthy (could it be from the cold I still haven't gotten over??), pants from just last season aren't fitting anymore, and I know I would just feel better if the numbers on the tags in my clothes just went down. A couple of things have happened to get me feeling this way. One, really, the pants from last season were tight on me when I put them on to go on a date with my husband last night. And so was the shirt. They actually did fit, but I wouldn't have wanted to even look in the mirror for how tight the shirt was! And I know things shrink, but not that much! So I realized I am not staying at a steady weight, I am actually still gaining! I don't keep a scale around. My first midwife talked me into getting rid of the scales when I was pregnant with my second child. Probably a great idea for being pregnant, but I won't ever be that again! The other thing that happened is probably going to let you into my head a little too much, let you see exactly how rude and judgemental I am capable of being, but that's ok. I am me and you can take me or leave me. So here goes. When we were leaving Carowinds a few weeks ago, we were behind two fat girls (i can call them that, as i am too!). They were walking like ducks, but obviously not on purpose. You know, feet going out at an angle, kind of like the pregnant waddle. So, I mention to my husband that if I ever walk like that, please put me out of my misery. He very politely didn't say anything. About those girls in front of us or me. So I thought maybe he just thought I was being too rude. The other day, I caught my reflection in the full length glass back door. I was waddling like a duck into the kitchen, probably for another helping of some sort of evening snack. I was the only one awake in the house and I still felt my face redden in embarrassment. I remember mentioning to some friends that when I'm out and about, walking around, I don't think of myself as a fat person. I am just confident of who I am and my weight doesn't matter. Obviously, I have not had the opportunity that the glass door provided me with the other night before! ACCCKKK! I have become my own bad dream! So I am waking up now, and I have a plan. I joined a free health website community, www.sparkpeople.com and I am starting with my new life style changes TODAY. I actually started with sparkpeople in May of 2006 and I really have no clue I didn't continue it. Wish me luck, know that I am ok as long as I have a plan, no cyber-hugs are necessary, it is what it is and it's time to fix it. :)